1. How ironic! I went to Southend today and wanted to write about it. "Today's observations" got autochecked to "Today's observe stuns", which is much more fitting for my South Essex jaunt.
2. I see young girls in town centres chewing the fat and making idle sweet chit chat over their skinny Mochas in Costa. I love this so much. I love that they are able to sit over a hot drink and have a lovely chat without damaging their body or offending other clientele or getting engaged or something stupid.
3. This sound socialising behaviour is a far cry from my own teenage activities. We grabbed a drink in either a corner shop or a pub. We grabbed food from either Nan's or a chip shop. We didn't talk, we just scrutinised music acts and popular people. It wasn't very positive. But it was muse-rich.
4. Southend was actually lovely. The sun was out, it was 11am, and I would hazard a guess that the majority of the scroats were still in bed.
5. Apart from one guy. He was walking a Pit Bull cross with Woolly Mammoth down the High St, shouting at people who were staring at him *because he was shouting*. The vicious circle of this rather understanble confrontation was lost on him. He was also bare chested, which was optimistic for the 11am sunshine. You could see the goose pimples on the cocky clown.
6. Southend has a *massive* Primark and a shop whose sole purpose as to apply Eye Lash extensions. It was called Lashlicous or something. I'm not into that sort of accessorising, but I tell you what readers, I *really* wanted to have some fluttery eye lashes stuck on.
7. I'd like to highlight a scenario of my stereo typical Britishness. I made a simple transaction in a shop yesterday. I purchased some slip on cheap shoes in a rather unethical large cheap retail clothing store in Southend. This is the conversation on the transaction taking place:
(I hand over shows to cashier)
(I hand over £5 note)
(She hands me back the change)
(She hands me the bagged shoes)
Me: Thanks so much
Me: Thaks very much, cheerio.
8. I know that the 10 Free Minutes on the Red Hot Channels have to cater for a diverse audience. But it doesn't have to be that diverse. Good grief.
9. Those piece of shit crap Primark shoes broke when I was at my next appointment.
10. Rules do driving. Never chance a stored wee, even if you think you'll be ok. Some prat on the A12 will have other ideas, and then you are up the creek with just a crap Primark bag that's made lf of brown paper.
11. Never think that your OH will want to go to sleep when he arrives home from his night out. He wants to tell you all about it.....staggeringly.....schhhhloooowwwwly.