1. You can accurately measure the GDP of any given housing estate by the girth of the rolled cigarettes.
2. The more expensive crisps are the tastiest.
3. The more expensive crisps have more gum-slicing potential.
4. A partially constructed Kinder Egg toy, where the absent pieces are actually *missing* , is surely a crying matter; whatever your age and experience.
5. I got the FLAVOUR tonight. I didn't resist.
6. A suspect nappy smell, when you are with your other-half (let's call him OH for the sake of ease) in a public place, will never prompt an instant physical reaction from him. It will rather gauge a *puzzled* and *perplexed* look. It's almost as if the very concept of a soiled nappy could never happen in his presence. Does this scenario actually *warrant* an action? Does this action have to be implemented *right now*. How very taxing indeed. Oh. Someone's already sorted it.
7. I'm rigourously calorie counting at the mo. I have a set plan of XX kcal per day. The measurements are sound during the day. They change a bit when I've got the FLAVOUR and need to add sporadic wine consumption. To summarise, I've had 0.02grams of breakfast today, 0.06grams of dinner and some wine.
8. I did properly log the satsuma, to be fair.
9. Supermarket pricing got interesting. The shelving label now gives the price per unit. Nappies are £0.01 per unit. Baby wipes are £0.02 per unit. Multipack crisps are £0.15 per unit. And so on. Except for wine. They don't price that per unit. Coz no one gives a shit.
10. The calorie counting continues. I can now *input* exercise to win back calories to consume on my trendy diet app. It's awesome. I burnt 50kcal walking to the pub. I burnt 345kcal coming home. I was well hot and sweaty on the return trip. Phew. I ran a bit too, coz I had some Scampi Fries.
11. Don't ask children for "a bite" of whatever they are eating. For some reason, they place it in your mouth at the wrong angle to which it was intended. Which results in you clamping down on a Pringles that actually enters *between your teeth* and nips your gum.
12. I didn't really have a satsuma.