1. It's not good etiquette to attempt to order a wine top-up from train staff who are not assigned to serve refreshments. The man with the bin-bag couldn't be less accommodating.
2. I'm opposite a huff puffer on the train. She tuts, sighs and eye-rolls to *herself* every 10-12 mins. Her lips are constantly pursed. Her brow is constantly raised. She is significantly unhappy with the fellow commuter whose suitcase brushed her leg when he walked past. She is irked by the content of her magazine. She is miffed that she was asked to show her ticket. She doesn't want to make conversation with me and I'm afraid to say that I am a little intimidated to make eye contact with her. And...she looks just like the sly do-gooder in Muriel's Wedding that grassed up poor Muriel's mum to the Feds for punching some flip flops.
3. Laying on the platform, without kids, in the sun at the Ely station. It's a lovely day. I'm chilling like a chilled one. Except for a small pebble that is now undoubtedly imprinted into my buttock.
4. Tried to take a picture of my slovenly sunbathing at Ely station, just to show fellow FBers what a nice relaxing day I am having. Took pic. I was squinting in the sun and resulting picture showed a big shiny white forehead and a face that was impossibly unmistakable for my mother's.
5. My reliance on technology is both relieving (how up-to-date am I!) and angsting. My phone's battery died on The train and I had to find my hotel without the map app contained within it. I actually had to speak to someone and indulge in their locational advice. How very beneath me and unpleasant.
6. It's not grim up North. My train is running along in between Sheffield and Stockport. The rolling hilly view is lush, velvety and just outstanding. It really portrays health and lustre. I can't get enough of it. It looks so idyllic.
7. Which is ironic seeing as Manchester issued me Hangover 4.3 this morning with a stealthy upgrade to Chronic Thirst 1.11 and Iffy Guts Pro.The idyllic fauna of the Pennines didn't save my sorry ass from that dodgy Danish beer that I drank 6pints of. I've since installed Norton Lucozade 2.5 and Macafee Bacon Elite to combat problem.
8. The trolley dolly made his appearance on the train after me waiting 2hours for something to eat. I was famished. I was thirsty. I was so happy to see Wayne from East Midland Railways. This Day 1 of my trip, so I hadn't yet installed Hangover 4.3. I asked the dude if they sold wines and stuff. "Of course!" he replied, and whipped out a massive, near-full-size, bottle of wine. "You look like you can drink this", he said. Cheeky fecker. He was certainly judging a book by its cover. I obvs look like I have a drinking problem or something. Huff Puffer grimaced again.
9. The beautiful Beyoncé lady studying Bio-Chemistry next to me blew me away for the whole of our trip. It was like watching Matt Damon scrawl his formulae genius all over the damn place. She then got a phone call from her (loud) boyfriend who was an out-and-out wanker. She spent the last 15mins of her studying journey apologising for something, asking him not to swear and reasoning with the douche.
10. We are so lucky to live here. Sun shining through window. People reading mags. Trolleys being rattled through carrying sanitised and packaged food stuffs. I'd like to punch that puffing woman in the face to really give her something to whinge about.
11. Just drove past an abandoned Warehouse car park: desolate concrete with a few cracks and weeds. There is a Vauxhall Caviller driving around; navigated and steered by a 4yo on her Dads knee. Brings back memories of us doing that with Dad in a Mazda 323 inComet car park on Ranelagh Rd.
12. I'm dead thirsty after that wine (I opted for the small bottle; Wayne's assumptions rattled me a little). Can I have some of the huff puffers water?
13. The umpteen FB memes posted by pages I have "liked" in the past, I've diagnosed, are really only thinly veiled attempts at racist patrioticism. George of England, We Love England, you are all Foreign Bastards etc. Unlike, Defriend. This stuff is not helpful.
14.I need to buy an orange-red lipstick. All the young goodlooking people are sporting this. I need to tick this box to encourage my young goodlooking aspirations.
15. I'm so thirsty.There just be a Boots at Manchester Piccadilly. I need a lipstick and water.
16. I bought the lipstick (shade: Make an Entrance!) and forgot the water.
17. My pal and I did the pub quiz. Up North, all the questions are about politics.
18. Have decided to walk back from the station to home on this glorious day. The combination of Norton and Macafee saw away Hangover 4.3. There's a pub on the way home. I might meet OH and the children there.
19. I see that Flavour 6.0 Platinum Edition is available now. I think I shall just defrag overnight and try an install a bit later on the week. I reckon.
20. Sigh. Huff puff.